Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Genevieve 2:25 AM.

reading my pharm notes and 'dreaming with a broken heart' comes on. and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with realisations. realisations that I've been repressing all this while. they say the truth hurts. they have no idea. but I guess when you don't think about it, things don't get to you. I, for one, believe that things only bother you as much as you let them. but repression is flawed.

I guess I just miss belonging to someone.

Genevieve 2:14 AM.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I tend to always blog when I'm having exams. it's like how you procrastinate so much when you have to study that you end up doing everything you've been procrastinating for the past few weeks/months (/years?). I guess anything beats studying.

winter, spring, summer or fall. all you have to do is call ;)

I'm suddenly overwhelmed with regret, the one emotion I dread the most. but then I realise that, given the opportunity, I'd probably mess it all up all over again. maybe some bad things happen for the better. maybe you just have to see good in everything. the cynic inside me is scoffing at that statement.

wait for me somewhere between reality and all we've ever dreamed.

Genevieve 4:39 PM.

holding people away from you and denying yourself love, that doesn't make you strong. if anything, it makes you weaker cause you're doing it out of fear.

"fear of what?"

of taking that chance. of letting go and giving into it. and that makes us what we are, risks. that's living. that's making it count. being too scared to even try it - that's a waste. I can say I've made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret. because at least I didn't spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.

I should stop reading books when I really should be studying..

there are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise. to give something up in order to gain something greater. but love can make up for a lot.

Genevieve 4:27 PM.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

never lose sight of the bigger picture.

and never forget all the good things that outweigh the bad.

Genevieve 9:21 PM.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Genevieve 2:37 PM.

and I promise you I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

Genevieve 2:34 PM.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Genevieve 2:33 PM.

tired of all this holding back. tired of not being able to speak my mind. tired of having to filter what I say. tired of 'not yet's. just so fcking tired.

cause even the stars, they burn. some even fall to the earth.

we've got a lot to learn. but God knows we're worth it.

Genevieve 2:32 PM.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

21st coming up! Wish this wasn't the case but all my life I've looked forward to my 21st. Always imagined it'd be big and special and well.. Different. But then I guess high school has prepared me for exam-stress-filled birthdays. And I guess I never realised I'd be celebrating away from home. Away from my ultimate birthday party planner - my mother, planning birthdays since 1985. Mother says she raised us to celebrate birthdays like they were truly significant and so I grew up believing so. Birthdays were always the highlight of the year. And the end of one only meant the start of the anticipation of the next. But then along the way I've met some people who somehow don't see any significance in birthdays. "it's just another day", they'd say. And I pity these people. If you can't look forward to the little things in life, they you're bound to get bored of life. I guess for me it's also that whole issue on never being able to do things again. Like how I'll never have another 21st birthday in this lifetime. I don't get how people can let opportunities go. Don't they fear the 'what if's' that follow? Those unanswered questions that will linger on for the rest of their lives. Doesn't it bug you that something like that might never come along ever again? I guess I just don't understand some people. Their mentalities, ideals, expectations, ability to be so carefree. Their 'optimism', if that's what you'd like to call it.

I've been thinking a lot about you lately. And I can't quite describe what I feel. I guess there's this emptiness inside that needs to be filled. And I guess it'll never be the same.
I'll never be the same.

"And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear. Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days." - Goo Goo Dolls

I think I'm getting impatient. And a little bored.

"Cause fearless isn't the absence of fear, it's not being completely unafraid. to me, fearless is having fears. It's having doubts. Lots of them. But fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death." - Taylor Swift

Genevieve 11:07 PM.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

"and when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don't think about what their career is or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I'm with them."

Genevieve 11:58 PM.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

let's pretend, baby

that you've just met me

and I've never seen you before

I'll tell all my friends

that I think you're staring

and you'll say the same to yours

and oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive

and we'll lose track of all the time

and we'll tell everyone that

we ain't never felt so alive

and I wanna fall in love with you again

Genevieve 10:55 AM.

"I've heard it's said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return. Well I don't know it believe it's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.

And who can say if I've been changed for the better. But because I knew you, I have been changed for good." - Glinda & Elphaba

Genevieve 6:31 AM.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I think I am officially messed up. I think I've let people mess me up. My mentality, my priorities, my ideals, my expectations, etc.. Right now I can't decide which of the two scenarios I'd prefer. I can't decide which I'd rather give up. Given full freedom I'd probably have it both ways. But we all know the world doesn't work that way. I think fickleness does rub off. What if you want something but not its consequences. And at the same time you want something else but also not entirely. Some people can be so idealistic. And influential..

Would you say it's worth it? To try to save it. I think it is, but my pride won't let me. Maybe a simple sorry is all it needs. For things to go back to the way they used to be. But what if sorry's not enough. What if's will forever continue to govern my life..

I think really, all I am is tired. Tired of having to put up with all of this. Tired of deja vus. Tired of fighting without a cause. I tend to always find depressing songs to get addicted to. And people say I'm stubborn but really, I'm quite easily influenced when I want to be :P

Next one should have arrived long ago, what is happening! The rut-like cycle is being interrupted, very soon all hell will break loose. You have been warned!

Cannot wait to leave this place and all in it behind.

And never look back.

But between drinks and subtle things~

Genevieve 1:36 AM.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"I dare you to let me be your one and only" - Adele

Genevieve 10:12 PM.